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Single questions

January 17, 2012

Do you remember S.A.T logic problems?  They were my arch nemesis.  No matter how many possibilities I worked over in my head,  the most rational choice was never the right response.  For me, these sorts of problems were solved using anything but logic.  Lately I’ve begun to wonder if my love life reads like the S.A.T.

Let me walk you through the problem.  Girl – boyfriend = _________.  My response:  single girl.  Simple, right?  Wrong.

Being temporarily back in the heart of small town, mid-western perceptions, I’ve been faced, more than once, with one of two comments/questions regarding my singledom.  Are you gay?  (Whispered.)  And, Don’t you want to have kids?  (Emphasis on the “want” and said in a slightly derogatory tone.)

Exactly how does “single”  involve sexual orientation, lifestyle choice, or procreation desires?  I’d really rather not pay a pretty penny to have the peeps at Princeton Review coach me on the reasons why my totally normal civil status makes the rest my small, suburban world worried.

So, as much as I hate to admit it, in an attempt to make myself seem (ok, feel) less like the questionable single girl, I decided to try to find a date or two.   By doing a little “window shopping”.  On Match.com.  Reactions to Internet dating couldn’t possibly be any weirder than those I’d already faced for not dating at all.

But what they don’t tell you on those TV adverts about Internet success stories is all the crrrraaazy s*&t people add to their online profiles.  A few of the most odd and frankly off-putting include:

  1. 30-something guys looking to date an 18 yr. old.
  2. Profile names that incorporate cheesy pick-up lines or allusions to physical or financial prowess.
  3. Self-taken iPhone pictures into a mirror of a shirtless torso or awkward posed shots highlighting muscles.
  4. Exclamation points at the end of every sentence in a personal description.
  5. Dudes who incorporate words that are understandable only because their Latin root makes them a cognate for a more regularly used equivalent in the Romance Language in which I majored  in college.
  6. Exotic pets.   Especially lizards.
  7. Ideal date:  gym/ working out / triathlon / a run / inter-city bike ride
  8. Ideal profession of your date:  fashion / model / beauty

Really?  Come on, LetMeLuvU69 , you’re freaking me out.   MealTicket2011, no one exclaims their gym routine and pet preference.   And, abs don’t make up for everything,  including haughty vocab.

Maybe I’m being too choosy.  Too harsh even.  But I quickly decided that the world of Internet dating wasn’t my scene.   I’ll stick to the chance encounter.

And, lucky for those so keen on questioning me about what it means that I’m single, my current zip code just made the list for the top ten cities for scoring a date according to glamour.com.  Phew!  There is still hope.

glamour.com

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One Comment leave one →
  1. January 19, 2012 11:12 pm

    I’m sorry, someone actually thinks a triathlon is the right time for a date? While I’m gasping for breath and in literal pain? I don’t think so. This post made me laugh – not about you, of course, but those crazy crazy people. I’m willing to bet that love and parenthood are the two things in life that never work out well if forced. You just be you – not what anyone else thinks you should be.

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